Recovery Spotlight: Doing Time

I have nine years day for day served on a 25-year sentence for committing a series of second-degree burglaries. I have really realized that I must address the addiction and trauma that led me into this nightmare. I don’t want to make any excuses for my actions or undermine the justice system in any way. I am guilty of breaking into stores in the night when nobody was around. I caused my victims property damage, loss, and much more. I recently have started enduring my sentence with a different outlook. I was saved! I have discovered and identified so much with myself. I once heard that there is no wrong way to grieve. I found out you can’t grieve with drugs. By me drinking every day at an early age I caged and bottled so much baggage and trash, now I can see why my behavior was so angry and destructive. I became dependent to not feel or face the truth. Every time I thought I had the answer I was just setting myself up for more hurt and loss. Every relationship I started failed, everything I owned was temporary, and nothing was ever enough. I thought it was bad luck and everybody else’s fault until now. I don’t even have a clue. It is a very humbling experience to find that there is another way and people who have recovered from much worse. God willing, I will live to share my story to inspire somebody is still suffering in the dark. Prison is still a living hell. I go to bed in fear, I wake up in fear, and PTSD is always ready to take over. I want to cry but can’t, I want a hug but who, and I want to be heard. I recently picked up a Bible and I do have a Higher Power I talk to every day. When I’m in my cell I pray and talk to God for safety, help, and understanding. I show no fear or weakness but I’m ready to fall. I wonder does anybody believe me. I can change; I have changed and I have surrendered myself to a program and Higher Power. I hope the courts will grant me a modification before my father or grandmother pass. I have paid full restitution to my victims. I have been given chances but never was in a mind frame to ever take a real chance at life. Now that I have a plan in place I feel that I deserve the opportunity to be supervised by people who understand me for who I really am. I am an addict, I am broken, I am scared. I realize I have NEVER committed a crime sober. I have never been arrested sober. I need help! If I survive this struggle I can survive anything. I owe my victims for my trespasses. I owe myself peace, treatment, and freedom. I leave it up to God and remain humble and alive. There is hope. I am breathing. -An Inmate Doing Time.