Recovery Spotlight: Reasons and Seasons | Anna


It’s a cold world that we live in

That thought embedded in my brain from the beginning

Since the age of 4 I’ve been a lost soul

Living through trauma I dug a deep hole

See I always wanted what I couldn’t have

The picture perfect family me, mom and dad

I never knew my dad and mom weren’t around

My Grandpa always picked me up off of the ground

My life changed in ’92 I was legally adopted

By my aunt and uncle my Grandpa tried to stop it

My aunt was cool her other half’s a clown

He would rip me up and then throw me down

Such as life he did it for a reason

Maybe I’ll find out why another season

Many seasons came and passed me by

I was an oddball in school and never knew why

I always had friends but still felt alone

But I would rather be alone then be in my home

See growing up I went through some things

Some sick twisted stuff one would never dream

I never told a soul ‘til many years had passed

That my clown of an uncle was a piece of trash

I’ve told him I’ll forgive him but never forget

Don’t know how he sleeps at night without regret

Such as life everything has a reason

Maybe I’ll find out why another season

Many more seasons flew right by

In high school I coped with my feelings by getting high

You know how it starts at first its always fun

Until years later you chase the dragon for another one

Alcohol and weed lead me to that progression

The harder the drugs the worse the aggression

There came a time when I thought I was a slick chic

Selling drugs for my habit never getting rich

I would drink to no end and smoke the loud pack

Until drinking and driving I crashed my car and broke my back

Surgeon said there was a 10% chance I would never walk again

I know my angels had my back from up in Heaven

My accident happened for a reason

Maybe I’ll find out why next season

The next season was a rather gloomy one

My world became so dark there was no sun

See I had quit drinking but I would still smoke

Until a few months later I started smoking coke

Dealing with my back pain I would self medicate

The way them percs would hit, made me feel so great

I didn’t take them everyday only on occasion

Their cost plus my money equaled a negative equation

For whatever reason I really loved that crack

I would smoke it by myself that was pretty whack

That went on for a year and a half

Until I finally got tired of only living for another blast

For my sisters birthday I quit the hard drugs

She was the one for which I had unconditional love

I stopped for a bit for another reason

Hopefully I’ll find out why next season

The next season was spring of 2013

Tall dark and handsome I met the man of my dreams

We hit it off and always stayed connected

Had tons of fun and I was well respected

That summer we traveled the whole east coast

We sold drugs together so we stayed afloat

That same summer we happened to fall in love

First with one another later, then with the drugs

We loved to pop molly that’s how our nights were spent

Until then fall came and we found out I was pregnant

Every single thing happens for a reason

Maybe I’ll find out why next season

The next season I would say was crazy

Morning sickness back pain I became so lazy

See Corey and I developed an ungodly habit

We took percs everyday we just had to have it

“I’ll quit before the baby comes” is what I would say

But being ill and pregnant there was no freaking way

They say bad things always happen in three’s

The next chain of events made me hit my knees

After Christmas I got some of the worst news

My cousin Jamie was shot and killed I wish it wasn’t true

A few weeks later Corey was rushed by fiends

He was gun bucked and shot at, it was quite a scene

The following week the cops were at our door

They raided our home but their luck was poor

We then switched our lives up for a reason

Our daughter was due and coming the same season

The next season was one for the books

I fell in love at the very first look

Our daughter Paige was born so perfectly

8 pounds 4 ounces she looked just like me

See I never knew true love until I saw this girl

Little ball of joy the center of my world

When she was two months old something bad happened

We saw that fiend from last season and no one was laughing

He was a dope head but him and Corey used to be tight

On that August day Corey lost it and stabbed dude with a knife

Needless to say my man got arrested

When he came home my will power was tested

He told me about his cellmate who loved that crack

As smart as Corey is he was curious and said “let’s try that”

So I let it happen beginning a two year run

Shit was hectic it got crazy but not crazy fun

In 2015 doing percs turned to doing dope

That was the bottom it made me lose all hope

I started sniffing dope for a reason

By the way we had a son coming that same season

John was born the 2nd of September

The birth of him is something I will always remember

See I did drugs literally until he came

For that reason alone I carry lots of guilt and shame

Smoking crack sent me straight into labor

I gave birth to him in the backseat of a car less than an hour later

He was drug exposed thank the Lord he wasn’t addicted

CPS had to get involved that left me conflicted

But I still couldn’t stop doing the drugs that I was doing

Even though it wasn’t just my life I was messing up and screwing

I kept on my run all the while I isolated

Corey and I grew apart we almost separated

Addiction caught up to him he violated probation

I didn’t know the wrath of the coming season I was facing

That season happened for many reasons

I pray to God I find out why next season

Summer of 2016 my addiction spiraled out of control

My third time getting arrested this time cause I stole

I was released on PR and I hit the street

I was homeless and broken and my luck was beat

Without my man I felt completely lost

I turned to drugs worse than ever, got them at any cost

In my addiction I did many things I said I would never do

I lied, stole, cheated even sold myself too

The worst part of it all was losing my soul

The devil lived inside me and he took control

My man behind bars said “Babe get it together

You’re pregnant with our twins and can’t run forever”

With him nagging in my ear it wasn’t enough

I had to fall to my lowest and that fall was tough

November 22, 2016 will always be remembered

The day I turned my will over I asked for help I finally surrendered

That season I found strength for a reason

Life was going to be getting better the next season

This past season I have learned the most

Understanding my purpose through The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost

See being pregnant had never made me stop before

But my four babies without their mom I couldn’t afford

I got so sick and tired of being sick and tired

Lost trust from everyone cause I was such a liar

Look at me now I have 7 months clean

That number there is one I have never seen

I firmly believe everything happens for a reason

My clown of an uncle is who got me arrested last season

Thoughts of him initially pushed me to want to numb my pain

The abuse from him in my youth helped drive me insane

At the same damn time he helped me get here

I see the full circle while my mind has gotten clear

Now I have an abundance of hope for what’s to come

On my rainy days I sing “Here Comes The Sun”

I’m living for today and staying positive

I’m choosing life not death because I wanna live

Taking life as it comes one day at a time

I love my God and with His Will I will be fine

I’m living life differently for so many reasons

The best is yet to come in the coming seasons